Hatred Disorder

I don't think that hatred is all together anathema to existence. It is still very dangerous and destructive and it's personal elimination is very important to my wellness. And, believe me, when someone says that something is "very important," remember: it might just be. In my study of hatred and my own 60 year affliction and serial attempt to rid myself of this monsterous disease, I realize that hatred seems to be acceptable in one particular time set: the teenaged years. It's almost socially acceptable for teenagers to hate their parents during their agnst. Just an observation. A very intelligent young man coined the term, hatred disorder. And that fits. I've suffered from a hatred disorder, on and off, for 60 years. I thought it had been neutered during the fall of 2022. Permanently. It was not to be as revealled by my relapse. I would be the greatest fool imaginable if I did not use this experience, and experience that I'm still recovering from, as an in depth examination of hatred and it's effect on me. I come by it honest, so I don't have to explore the why of it. Rather, I want to its essence. Does it arise from helplessless as toddlers. Our hopelessness when it comes to loss, and even harm. Is that my story? Did my helplessness become this thing that would consume me for practically my entire life? Did it shape me? Of course it did. I think sometimes it shaped me into my professioal path, which is perfect in my chosen profession. I do know that my hatred of a man named Billy Leebern was my impetus to get a bacherlors' degree. Simply because I saw one from the University of Georgia hanging on his office wall, thinking, if that mother-fucker can get a bacherlors' degree, this one can, too. Let's leave the office of self-hatred for another day.